The Five Conflict Management Styles

Developed by Thomas and Kilmann in the 1970s, the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) identifies five distinct conflict management styles, each based on the level of assertiveness and cooperativeness. The five styles are:

1. 1. Avoiding
   2. Accommodating
   3. Competing
   4. Compromising
   5. Collaborating

Each style has its strengths and weaknesses, and understanding when and how to use each one is key to effective conflict management. Here’s a closer look at each style:

1. Avoiding

This style is all about non-engagement. Someone who uses the avoiding style deliberately withdraws from the conflict, choosing not to participate or confront the issue. This may happen when the topic is irrelevant to the individual, or when they don’t feel they have enough information to contribute. It can be useful when:

• • The issue is minor and not worth the emotional energy.

• • You want to avoid escalating the situation further.

• • The conflict isn’t related to you directly, and you want to stay neutral.

However, the avoiding style can sometimes leave problems unresolved and may cause frustration if overused.

2. Accommodating

When someone adopts the accommodating style, they prioritize cooperation and are willing to put their own needs and desires aside to meet the needs of the other party. It’s essentially about being self-sacrificial in the interest of maintaining harmony. This approach can be beneficial when:

• • Preserving the relationship is more important than the immediate outcome.

• • The issue at hand is not crucial, and you’re willing to give in for the greater good.

However, if overused, accommodating can lead to feelings of resentment or being taken advantage of.

3. Competing

The competing style is characterized by high assertiveness and low cooperativeness. This is a “my way or the highway” approach, where the person pushes for their own interests, often at the expense of others. It’s a style that values winning, sometimes regardless of the impact on the relationship. This approach might be appropriate when:

• • Quick, decisive action is required (e.g., in an emergency).

• • The issue at hand is critical and you believe you are right.

• • There is a power imbalance, and your perspective needs to be heard.

While it can be effective in certain situations, overuse of this style can create a combative atmosphere and damage relationships.

4. Compromising

The compromising style is often seen as a middle ground approach. Both parties give something up to reach a solution that partially satisfies everyone involved. It’s not a perfect solution, but it’s one that both sides can live with. This style is useful when:

• • Both sides have equally important concerns that need to be addressed.

• • You have limited time to resolve the conflict.

• • You need a temporary solution, or the situation is too urgent for a more creative solution.

While compromise can offer a quick fix, it may not always address the underlying issues and can sometimes lead to dissatisfaction if neither party gets everything they want.

5. Collaborating

The collaborating style is the gold standard of conflict management. It’s about finding win-win solutions where both parties’ interests are fully met. This style involves creativity, deep problem-solving, and often thinking outside the box to come up with innovative solutions that satisfy everyone. Collaboration requires:

• • Time and effort to thoroughly understand the perspectives of both parties.

• • Open communication and a willingness to be flexible.

• • A commitment to finding solutions that don’t involve sacrifice on either side.

While collaborating is ideal in many situations, it can be time-consuming and may not always be practical in high-pressure situations.

Helping Clients Recognize Their Go-To Style

One of the first things your clients will likely realize when they learn about these five styles is that they have a default approach to conflict—often one that they rely on because it feels the most natural or easiest. This is their “go-to” style, the one they use most often without much thought.

For example, some clients may find themselves leaning towards accommodating when they don’t want to rock the boat, while others may gravitate toward competing when they feel strongly about an issue. Understanding their default style is an important first step in developing greater conflict management flexibility.

The Importance of Flexibility in Conflict Management

The key to being an effective conflict manager isn’t necessarily sticking to one style but knowing which style to use when. Great leaders are able to assess the situation and adapt their approach based on the context. For example:

• • If the relationship is more important than the outcome (say, with a long-term colleague), your client might choose to be accommodating.

• • If the outcome is crucial and the issue is non-negotiable, they might need to adopt a competing stance to assert their position.

• • If both parties stand to gain from a solution, collaborating might be the best option to ensure that all needs are met.

The more flexible your client is in their approach to conflict, the more they’ll be able to handle a variety of challenging situations in the workplace.

Using the Thomas-Kilmann Model in Coaching

When you introduce the Thomas-Kilmann model to your clients, encourage them to reflect on their personal experiences with conflict. Ask them:

• • What conflict style do they usually gravitate toward?

• • When have they had success with that style?

• • In what situations did their default style fail them?

• • How could they have adapted their approach for a better outcome?

As your clients learn to identify and understand their conflict management styles, you can help them develop strategies for using the most appropriate style in different situations. Additionally, help them build confidence in adopting more collaborative and compromising approaches when needed.

Conflict is a natural part of any career, and mastering the art of conflict management is crucial for professional success. The Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Management Model offers a clear framework that can help your clients understand their typical responses to conflict and, more importantly, how to expand their conflict resolution toolkit.

By coaching your clients to be more adaptable, thoughtful, and intentional in their approach to conflict, you’re empowering them to handle workplace challenges with confidence and finesse. The result? Better relationships, stronger teams, and enhanced leadership skills.

If your clients are ready to take their conflict management skills to the next level, consider introducing them to the Thomas-Kilmann model in your coaching sessions. The insights they gain may just be the key to unlocking their full potential as leaders.