On my journey to becoming a leadership coach, I attended countless trainings, personal development programs, and received coaching and supervision. But today, I want to take you back 15 years—back to the very beginning of my own self-discovery and leadership development journey.

At the time, I was the Head of L&D in a pharmaceutical company, juggling multiple stakeholders—business leaders, HR colleagues, external providers, and my own team. Among them, there was one colleague I worked closely with, someone I had a dotted-line management relationship with.

Something about our dynamic felt off. They were competent, had the best intentions, and yet, I often found myself correcting their work, giving feedback repeatedly, and still feeling like things weren’t quite right. Because I worked with them daily, I felt responsible for their growth and performance. But here’s where things got complicated: their direct manager, who had little knowledge of L&D, wasn’t fully aware of their struggles and wasn’t in a position to give them accurate performance feedback.

I felt stuck. On one hand, I wanted to support this colleague and be honest about the barriers to their promotion. On the other, I had to respect their direct manager’s decision not to share the full picture. Their manager believed that revealing the real reason—mainly how they were perceived within the business—would demotivate them. I strongly disagreed, but ultimately, it wasn’t my decision to make.

This put me in a difficult position. My value of integrity clashed with my loyalty to my peer. Should I stay silent and respect the direct manager’s choice, or should I tell my colleague the truth, giving them the opportunity to make changes that could improve their reputation and career prospects?

In the end, I chose to tell them. But here’s the part I’m not proud of—I only did it after I resigned, just before leaving the company. I told them they deserved to know the full story, explained the direct manager’s hesitation, and reassured them that it wasn’t about their skills but about how they were perceived. They took the conversation incredibly well, and instead of feeling defeated, they immediately started discussing ways they could shift those perceptions.

To this day, my relationship with both of them remains strong.

The Leadership Lesson?

It’s never too late to do the right thing—but looking back, I could have done it earlier. Leadership is about navigating difficult conversations with courage and care. Sometimes, we avoid tough truths because we fear the consequences. But if we know what we stand for, there’s always a way to lead with integrity and find the right path forward.