This is another blog post that is extremely close to my heart. Another leadership lesson that I learned the hard way. I’m here to share the beginning of my leadership story with you, hoping it will spark some insights.
Exactly 20 years ago, I stepped into my first leadership role. I felt everything all at once: excitement, pride, pressure… and a creeping sense of not being ready.
Yes, imposter syndrome was there. Loud and constant.
I wanted to prove myself, show everyone that promoting me was the right choice, and be the kind of leader people looked up to.
But I was also young, inexperienced, and completely unprepared for what it meant actually to lead.
Ambition can be heavy
Looking back, I know I had the right intentions. I was driven. I was eager. I wanted to do well. But in that rush to prove myself, I made mistakes.
Maybe a lot of them.
I didn’t know how to set the tone for a team. I didn’t know how to support others without putting my own pressure on their shoulders. I didn’t understand that leadership isn’t about being the smartest person in the room—it’s about creating the space for others to shine.
And instead of unlocking performance, I added stress. I didn’t uplift my team—I overwhelmed them.
Leadership lesson that I learned
Before the interview for that role, I read every leadership book I could get my hands on. I studied, I highlighted, I watched videos (the TED talks were not there yet!). And during the interview, I gave all the “right” answers.
But once I got the role, I realised something hard: Leadership can’t be memorised. It has to be embodied.
No book could teach me how to lead in my own way.
What I really needed was space to explore:
- Who am I as a leader?
- What do I stand for?
- What are my values, and how do I align my actions with them?
- What is my impact on others?
- What do I need to prioritise?
What I needed wasn’t more knowledge; I needed coaching. I needed to close the knowing–doing–being gap.
It didn’t go well
The result? I underperformed. The first year and a half of my leadership journey didn’t reflect my potential—they reflected my panic.
And what made it even harder was the fact that I didn’t know support was even possible.
My organisation didn’t offer it. I didn’t know what coaching was. I just assumed I had to figure it out on my own.
I needed coaching before I even knew it existed
Now, as a leadership coach, I look back at that version of me with compassion but also with a little grief because I know how different it could have been if I’d had the right support. If I’d had someone to talk to, someone to reflect things back to me, someone who I know wouldn’t judge me, someone to say, “You don’t have to prove yourself by doing it all alone.”
This is why I do the work I do now: to help leaders (new or experienced) navigate moments like these with more clarity, presence, and less self-blame.
If you’re stepping into a new role or feeling the weight of one, I see you. Remember, you don’t have to do it alone.
If you need a coach to help you cross that bridge I would love to speak with you, click below to book a call with me.